A Home for the Lonely
As I approach the turn of another decade of life, I look back and realize that this is a pivotal time. At 19, I left the safety of living with my parents to venture out into the punishing and sometimes cruel world alone. I learned how to depend on myself and how to endure love and loss, sickness, and financial responsibility all alone. I was in a different state, had never attended church, and didn’t have many close friends. I didn’t really know God during that decade. The loneliness and heartbreak seemed to never end. I was alone with no one to lean on – at least no one with a pure motive towards me. In my desperation, I began to realize that there was something missing. God began drawing me to Himself.
At 29, God reached me and I was faced with a spiritual crossroads. I had an encounter with Him so magnificent and real, that I could not deny it. Finally, I knew that He was real, He loved me, and that indeed He wanted me to have the better thing. I had to lay down a worldly life, including a relationship, for the unknown - except this time was different. All I knew was that my way wasn’t working and I was finally willing to listen to God. I was all alone again, searching for the answers. However, this time I was looking in a new place – not to another person, but to God. God gave me such an insatiable hunger for Him that, for six months, I had no desire to watch or listen to anything secular. I couldn’t hear or read enough of His word. I couldn’t take enough notes in church. In fact, I still cherish and refer back to the notes I took during this time of tremendous spiritual growth. Over the next decade, I cannot say that my life has been perfect. I have suffered tremendous pain and loss. Yet, I endured to become even stronger and more committed to my Lord.
Today, at 39, I realize that I am embarking on another decade of the unknown. I am alone again. I sometimes sense the true vulnerability of being a single woman and it overwhelms me. But there’s something different about this time. Despite the
aloneness that I feel, I sense more and more God’s everlasting presence in my life. It’s not something I can put into words. God abides in me and I in Him. When I feel there’s no one who understands me or can help me, I know He can. The last few years of my life have been a tremendous spiritual battle. There were many times where I could have easily given up on this “trusting God” thing. Somehow, during the darkest hours, I sensed this “big Hand” holding me up. I am fully aware of God’s presence in my life. “God makes a home for the lonely.” (Ps. 68:6) This time around, I am surrounded by many wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ who God put in my life to walk with me. I still struggle trying to do things on my own because that’s how I survived for so many years. I am learning to let go of the “I can do it myself” attitude and walk by faith. It’s so hard when I can’t see how things will work out. But I realize that faith is the only way to God’s blessings. If history repeats itself, every decade is a new beginning and a deepening relationship with God. God has made a home for my loneliness.
Prayer: Lord, let not all the years without You and those full of struggle be in vain. Continue to draw me closer to You and let my faith continue to grow so that I can learn to live in a daily dependence on You. Help me see that my aloneness does not have to be fruitless. Give me peace that You are always in control and have things figured out, even when I don’t. Let me fully rely on and trust in You to make all the decisions in my life. Lord, continue to cleanse my heart and fill every crack with the power and fullness of Your presence. Continue to wipe away my own flesh so that Your goodness, love, and mercy are all that anyone sees when they look at me. Thank you for Your faithfulness through the years. I wait in great anticipation of what You have in store for the next decade. I know You are with me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Copyright 2010 From My Heart To Yours